Thursday, May 25, 2017


Dont get too excited as Im sharing a very rare...and not very attractive bedroom pic.. courtesy of my daughters sneaky video messenger photography.. just to show what kind of day Im having. Two days after chemo I have no high mouth sores... just complete and utter exhaustion. 
I finally dragged myself from my pit to shower..but who knew how tiring washing your hair could be..especially when you have none!. If lying on the couch watching black and white movies all day is as bad as it gets.. I have no complaints at all. I have to get my energy levels up for this weekend as hubby and I have a couple of dates planned. Until then.. just pass me an iced coffee and the tv remote 
p.s.... thats Uk time on the photo not US...
not even I would stay in bed that late 

Love and Hugs
Phoebe x

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Chemo #2

Yesterdays chemo wasnt the best. Even though I had been drinking loads of water, my veins wernt the best. When the nurse Sue found a good one, she inserted the needle and it would begin to collapse. She would jiggle it in my arm hoping it would work and this made it very sore. She tried luck,, but it was third time lucky. It wasnt her was just my veins

Then..when they started putting in the chemo...I started having a last time. I got tingly lips and teeth and about a minute later a dull pain in the base of my back. I told the nurse Sue, who was helping someone else. By the time she came over which was less than a minute, the pain had shot up my back to my neck and the base of my skull. It was starting in my tummy and my chest was tight. It was also in my right arm and right leg. It was getting worse and I couldnt move. Also my blood pressure shot up. She immediately shut off the machine and whilst Rachel the other nurse sat with me she went to phone Dr Phan. It took about ten minutes to start easing...but was completely gone after 20..but I felt a bit drained. The premeds make you sleepy anyway. They started the machine again...but this time at a slow drip...I was ok.. so after 20 minutes they increased it to medium. And thats how it stayed 

So we have three options for next times treatment. No.1 I go the day before and I get a dose of steroids and take the same the following day at home. No 2.. We change the chemo meds. But theres no guarantee the same thing wont happen and we dont know if the treatment will work as well so it will set us back. Or no3..we use the same meds but use a slower drip which means I will be there about seven hours. I think no3... well I have nothing else to do.and Sue agrees...but it will be down to what Dr Phan thinks..and he will tell me the day before my treatment

So thats where its stands.. Im not complaining..even tho this morning Im very tired and sore...and couldnt sleep last night through being dizzy and I vomited in the night.,as I didnt take the anti nausea pills in time...but they are helping. 

I got talking to a lovely lady called Connie yesterday. Her cancer is in her pancreas and liver and is inoperable and giving her pain. Her treatment wont cure her.. it will just give her a few more months. So who am I to gripe
I am blessed...I will get through the dark days.. and burst out in the sunshine the other side....
I got this!!

Love and Hugs
Phoebe xx

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Laughter Is....

That moment your wonderful hubby points to the car in front and asks "Jealous ???"... 
so you punch him!

Its the best medicine!

Love and Hugs
Phoebe x

Monday, May 22, 2017

Mon Chapeau.....

Well... Im getting used to my short hair..although I keep trying to push it behind my ears...habit! I was actually ok walking around the mall on Saturday. A couple of people did a double take but otherwise it was fine. Its still coming out so maybe by next weekend it will be totally gone. And thats ok too. Ive come to the conclusion I dont mind being bare headed. It was just another hurdle to get over. I will still have to wear a hat when Im outside tho. The California sun is so strong I cant risk a sunburnt head.I will look like a lolly pop
So...hat hunting was fun....but I have come to the conclusion that I really dont have a "hat face". Sports caps and beanies look really bad. What a shame cos I saw quite a few blingy ones. I suppose I could have gone down the Harry Potter route... 

or maybe the Minion... but I dont think hubby would ever walk with me again. 
So I came away with three different styles... none of which really suit me...
including the one below. 
They are all quite plain cos I plan to jazz them up myself with ribbons, lace, flowers...and maybe some bling to match whatever Im wearing. It will be fun to ring the changes.
So six days in to the hair loss process...Im totally alright with it. In the grand scheme of things.. its a very small hiccup

Now to look forward to seeing Dr Phan this afternoon...and tomorrows chemo...

Oh Joy!! 

Love and Hugs
Phoebe x

Saturday, May 20, 2017

'Hair' We Go

So...when I woke up at 2.30 this morning to see hubby off to work... I could see I had lost lots of hair in the night. The plan for today was to go looking for I had a big decision to make. I couldnt possibly go shopping and leave my falling out hair in the hats I was trying on. So tearfully I had to go. 
When hubby came home...I told him my decision and we set to work. 
When he had finished...all we had was one handful of hair...thats all I had on my head
Im ok... its not as bad as I thought...and I had the fastest shower in history. .. and no blow drying. Next step... head coverings.
Goodbye my beautiful hair... hello to the new me

Love and Hugs
Phoebe x

Friday, May 19, 2017

As Sweet as (Mexican) Candy

Well yesterdays blood tests went ok....Oh how I hate needles
On the way home hubby decided to treat me and we stopped at the local Mexican market and he bought me some Mexican fruit candy. I opted for a pineapple round
Now I'm not sure if its fruit... and I'm not sure if its candy... but it was  crystallized and very sweet...and rather delicious
It made me forget all about that nasty old needle

Love and Hugs
Phoebe x

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Like a Rubber Ball....I Bounce Back

Day three of my hair loss and its extremely thin...and after a good think... Im ok about it. I knew I would be.. it is just another hurdle to get over. My mind set is the same... I cant do anything about it so just accept it and deal with it. Its just hair! It will grow back.. and by Christmas I will hopefully have a little fuzz again. If I had any other cancer I could have lost a breast...or even my life. So self pity is over and done with and time to move on.
I just had to admit to myself that my dread was just pure vanity. I have a fat face...which will look worse with no hair.. and I really dont want to look like Uncle Fester or Matt Lucas. In the 80s my curly perm made me look like Eddie Large..but thats another story! 
So time to stop wallowing and get back to living...drinking loads of water for my blood tests this afternoon.. and enjoying the things I love. I have made a banana bread.. made a shepherds pie for dinner (I hope hubby enjoys it as much as the one we had in the British pub we went into when Miss C was here)..and have got my sewing machine whirring away.
Also..I got a lovely surprise in the mail from my cousin back home. So kind and thoughtful . It made me smile. People if you have never had a "cwtch" you are really missing out. They are very special.. and I am getting so many virtual ones.. its doing me the power of good

Love and Hugs
Phoebe x

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Down....But Not Out

I decided to go out for a walk and take some photos while I still have hair.. and try to sort my head out. I am losing copious amounts, and I have a feeling by this time next week it will be gone. I have to admit... its upsetting me more than I thought it would. Im am finding it everywhere... in bed.. the shower .. strands of it all over the house. Every time I touch it a clump comes out. Im wearing a scarf over my head when cooking for hygiene.... and I look bloomin awful... especially as I have these dreadful sores on my mouth too. 
My hair is quite thin now... no bald spots as yet thank goodness. And my scalp is quite tender.. just the top.. not the back. I washed it this morning and gently blow dried without a brush so I didnt tug at it.
I may just give up fighting it and get rid... but not before the weekend. I have my blood tests tomorrow to check my blood count for next weeks chemo.. so I want to look tidy. And this weekend hubby and I are going to go looking for some cute hats...that I hope will suit me. After that... I may get the scissors out.
For the first time Im feeling a bit down...but it wont be for long...cos I always bounce back. And I know I have to go through this to kill the evil little buggers,. And... it could be worse...I could have lost my taste buds too 😀

But you know... Cancer really sucks 

Love and Hugs
Phoebe x

Monday, May 15, 2017

And So It Begins....

And so it begins......

I ran my fingers through my hair and had a bit of a surprise!

Now...I knew this was going to happen.. but as Im stuck in 1988 and am all for the 'Big Hair' (and shoulder pads)... this is a bit unsettling. Im the kind of girl that wont leave the house without washing and blow drying my hair.. so this is a big deal.. There was a tear or two. I promised my daughter I wont cut it until it gets too ratty.. but that wont be long as Im shedding badly. So I will have to start wearing my blooming sun hat where ever I go... which Im supposed to anyway as Im a Brit not used to the Californian sun...even after 2 years!!

On the positive side though... having no hair will have advantages. I mean.. pretty soon... I can tell hubby that I wil be ready in 10 minutes...and mean it. And...just think of the money I will save on shampoo, conditioner, mousse, hairspray, hair colour....and razors! Plus I will never have to worry about looking windswept when we go to the beach or on fairground rides. And its a brilliant excuse to wear the drawerful of pretty headscarves Ive had for years....even though my head will look like a potato

One final thing... before my dad had his chemo he had a badly receding hairline and a bald spot. When it grew back he had a full head of hair!. I have decided... when mine grows back...Im going to be a natural more bottle... with a natural wave so it holds it shape. Plus my eyebrows will have a perfect arch to work with.

Thats definitely something to look forward to 

Love and Hugs
Phoebe x